Music has a power over me... it can bring me back to a time and a place. I can't listen to "Turn Around" without going straight back to high school. When I hear Chicago or Journey, I think about Kate, Erica, Hilary, Jenn, Steph, and all of my high school BFF's. Eagle's "Desperado" brings me back to one tearful night when I was 16 and heartbroken for the very first time because of a (dumb) boy. When I hear "Sail Away" I miss all of my T.I.P. sisters from McMurry (Rutha Rocka Socka). And Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline" will always be my mom's song. When I am in a bad mood there is nothing more reassuring than listening to some slow melodies.... Joni Mitchel's Blue album is great for that.
I have been through A LOT of changes and hard times these past few years...... and music has been my saving grace (along with tons of AMAZING friends.....). Last year at this time, I was trying to decide if I really wanted to move to Steamboat. I knew that I needed a big change and I wanted to love life again. I did not know myself anymore, and I was afraid that I was dying, and I knew that I had so much on my "bucket list" left to do. I did not want to leave my friends, but I knew that they would be my friends no matter what..... so I had to at least try. I decided to visit Steamboat over Christmas and see how I liked it. I dreamed of mountains, snow, music, new friends, better health, and peace.
So, I bought two c.d's on impulse.... Joshua James and Alexi Murdoch's soundtrack for Away We Go. I have absolutely NO explanation for why I did this. I have always been impulsive and I DO believe in wishes and fairy-tails. And somehow I believed that listening to these songs would help me in some way. For the past two years the Avett Brothers, Gillian Welch, Greensky Bluegrass, Mumford and Sons, OCM, Patty Griffin, The Weepies, Frightened Rabbit, Kings of Leon, Railroad Earth, and so many more have been the soundtrack to my cancer and my life. So I really felt like I need these two new c.d's for my road-trip from Fort Worth to Steamboat. They would be the new music for my new journey.
I listened to that music THE WHOLE trip here. Over and over. I think I even wrote some of the lyrics down as my Face Book status. It seemed like at every point on my trip that I needed to hear something, I heard it. And as I drove up Rabbit Ears Pass, I heard this:
Feel I'm on the verge of some great trail
Where I'm finally in my place
And I took it as truth.
I just pulled those two c.d's out again. I have been playing them everyday since the snow has started up..... and I am remembering all of the feelings that I had a year ago. I was so sad to leave my friends. And at the same time I was SOOOOO happy to be moving forward and doing something for me. To me, these songs that are on these c.d's will always remind me of change and re-birth. Hope, fear, sadness, and hope. Promise for a future. I have hope that I have a promise a future. I listen to my future in music everyday.